A Veteran's Journey

Trivia Questions (Answers @ end)

1. Who said, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I turned 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”?
2. Who said, “Why does boiling eggs make them hard, but boiling pasta makes it soft?”?
3. In what song (and who sang it) did we hear:
   Now it’s been ten thousand years
   Man has cried a billion tears
   For what, he never knew, now man’s reign is through
   But through eternal night, the twinkling of starlight
   So very far away, maybe it’s only yesterday

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I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

The Facts:

Born in 1954, I’m a baby-boomer. My father served in WWII, came home and, after a few years, met and married my mom. My sister, Anne, was born in 1953. I guess she was an OK kid, ‘cause I was born a year and a half later.

What does that say about me when my parents decided I’d be the last? Asking for a friend…

I grew up during the Space Age, the Cold War, 60s and 70s hippy movement, the Vietnam War, and the Information Age. I understand the “baby-boomer” generation. However, I have no earthly idea what Gen-X, Gen-Y, and Gen-Z are. But I spend far too much time worrying about the generation following Gen-Z and what they’ll be labeled… Gen-A1?

My first job (other than mowing lawns and washing cars) was answering the phone at my dad’s office. He was a lawyer and practiced what was commonly called (back in the 60s), “Door Law.” My mom also worked as his bookkeeper and would often joke when I asked her what that meant.

“It means we’ll take any client who walks through the door.”

Surely you jest. Now the practice of law has become such a specialty that “Door Law” means someone who got hit by a door. And yes, people sue for things like that.

Speaking of doors, I’m reminded of the term happiness. “Everyone brings happiness to our home. Some by coming, some by going.” You’ve seen this one before, I’m sure. One of the many Internet memes floating around.

But I digress…

TV Channels

I’m so old that I’ve watched a black & white TV with only three channels. We had to get up from the couch and walk over to change the channel. Sometimes, my dad asked me to fetch some aluminum foil from the kitchen and wrap it around the rabbit ear antennas to watch the local football game.

Captain Kangaroo, Hercules, and my favorite Saturday morning cartoons.

Ahh… the good ol’ days.

Now, there’s a million channels on cable TV. I only watch three. When I called the cable TV service, they’re the first to brag about the fact, “but sir, we have 200 channels you can access.”

They don’t like it when I ask, “Tell me, miss… how many of those 200 channels do you actually watch yourself?” Talk about deflection.

So, we ditched cable TV, since there’s nothing I like to watch other than a few nature shows on PBS and sometimes, college football.

Now, I’m dealing with streaming channels. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Freebee, Roku, Disney+, ESPN+, Peacock, Apple TV+, Paramount+, WTF+, and another few hundred I don’t care to research.

The fact is now I have access to more than a million channels, and I still can’t find anything decent to watch.

But whenever I find something good to watch, which, BTW, takes about an hour of surfing through the channels, I get to watch it on my 55” OLED screen in fantastic colors.

I love the fact that I can watch whatever I want on a large screen TV. One that’s screen is so thin that our cat couldn’t curl on top of it like our old console set.

Cell Phones

Another Internet meme: “I’m so old that I’ve dialed a rotary phone that didn’t have an answering machine.”

When I was growing up as a kid in Gainesville, Florida, we had a rotary dial telephone. Our phone number was “Franklin 2-8614.” You had to “dial” (not push) the first number, wait for the dial to return, then dial the second number, and so forth. It literally took a minute to dial a number, unless of course, you were in a hurry and even then, you probably miss-dialed the number and had to start over.

And back then, my dad put a 10-minute limit on our phone calls when we reached high school age. My dear sister started that, since she’d be on the phone for an “eternity,” talking to one boyfriend or another. Since I was a year and a half younger, I had to pay the price of also limiting my phone calls to 10 minutes.

Of course, that limitation would certainly help me when I made phone calls from Guam back to the US when I was in the Navy. $15 for a 3-minute phone call. You learn quickly how to tell your life story in that short amount of time.

One more meme: “I’m so old that I’ve eaten food that I didn’t take pictures of.”

On the other hand…

I love the fact that I can receive photos either by text or email of my kids and their kids… almost instantaneously.

Computers

I guess you could say I came into the Computer Age at the right time. I have two degrees in Electrical Engineering. When I first began programming computers (aside from the college education), we programmed in FORTRAN, COBAL, Pascal, and for me, microprocessor assembly language. Ahh.. the good ol’ days.

I’ve seen the industry transition from DOS to Windows (I’m still a PC guy, but I have no qualms with Mac-ese). I’ve seen the industry grow from dual 5¼” 360kb floppy drives to 10GB “free” Google cloud storage. I’ve seen the software development grow from assembly language & compilers to so many different programming languages, I don’t even know where to start.

I lost those skills a long time ago.

But I do like the fact that I can access my email, my contacts, my files, and my photos, from my laptop computer, my iPad, or my Samsung Galaxy phone from almost anywhere because they reside in the cloud (whatever and wherever that is).

Tech Support

WordPerfect set the standard back in the “old days” of computer support. At one time, the company had over a thousand employees in support, answering your questions without a long wait. They even had a music DJ that not only played good tunes (spelled “No Effing Elevator Music”). Not only that, but the DJs would also announce how many people were in the queue for your specific support request.

Sigh—those days are long gone.

Now it’s next to impossible to get anyone on the phone and when you do, it’s almost next to impossible to understand the person, whether it’s a technological barrier (static) or it’s a language barrier. “I’m from the south. Can you speak a little slower and a little louder?”

If you try to get online support, you’re asked a dozen questions that have nothing to do with what you’re asking about and then you’re presented with a series of photos: “please choose those photos with a traffic light.” Or my favorite, “please choose those photos with a crosswalk.” All because they want you to prove that you’re not a robot.

Social Media

I don’t even know where to start with social media. Of course, I post my blog on my Facebook page(s) and share it with other FB groups. So that’s a good thing for me. If people don’t like it, they can just scroll past it.

And the ability to see photos of family & friends and many of their travels – precious.

Cat videos—OH MY GOD!

Food? Give me a break.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (or “X”), TikTok, and dozens of other platforms. Back when I was a CIO for a large law firm in West Virginia, there were only a few social media platforms that we in IT needed to worry about. Now-a-days, talk about a “time suck.”

Of course, when you’re retired, it’s easy to sit & scroll.

Ordering Fast Food

Don’t even get me started.

Back in the day when I worked at Burger Chef (and yes, briefly at McDonald’s), we took orders at the counter. Now a days, some restaurants (not to mention McDonald’s by name) require you to walk in and order using a kiosk—a high-tech method of making you feel like a dumbass.

I mean, when the store sends someone out to help you order on this machine that never gets your order correct…

… “I’d like a hamburger with mustard, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and onion…”

“I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll need to order it this way. No ketchup, no pickle, and no cheese.”

He smiles… dumbass.

Know what I’m sayin’?

And, to top that off, where’re the extra napkins, ketchup, and Lord forbid, a coffee stirrer? Oh yeah, they’re at the counter. Except… there’s no one at the friggin’ counter.

I give up… I’m going to Wendy’s.

Phone Call / Text / Email / Memo

Back when I was a CIO (Chief Information Officer) for a law firm, more than once I received a phone call from an attorney who asked if I’d gotten her text about an email she’d sent regarding a memo she wrote, sent through department mail… that morning.

I swear, I can’t make this stuff up!

She was the obviously the type of person who stood beside the microwave… “Come on!”

There Are Exceptions

I will admit, however, that I’ve been to Starbucks. God no, not for their coffee. But to watch people order and, more importantly, how the people behind those people react when they order the weirdest… stuff.

“Green tea latte. One pump classic, nonfat, six enormous scoops of matcha, 195 degrees—exact, and absolutely no foam.” And watch her hover over the order like a newborn baby.

“Grande in a venti cup, 20/20 vanilla/hazelnut, whole mile, 190 degrees—exact (he followed the woman before), add whip and extra caramel drizzle latte.”

I swear, I do not make this crap up.

Keep in mind, I only do this for research.

My newest book, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN (to be published later this year), has several scenes that take place in a Starbucks.

I mean, where else can I find these types of prominent characters and the reactions of people around them?

Winding Down

Now that I’ve finished my techno.rant, version 1.0, I’ll also tell you I spent most of my professional career in the computer and technology industry. I “grew up” in this computer age from the time I graduated with a degree in electrical engineering until the time I retired a few years ago.

I started out using the old “IBM-compatible” PCs. You remember those days? The Microsoft DOS 3.1 operating system, single floppy drive, and a whopping 640 kilobytes of memory. And… you could choose to use a computer monochrome monitor with either green or amber text. Best of all, a keyboard that actually “clicked” when you typed.

Now, I use a Lenovo ThinkPad laptop computer, Microsoft Windows 11, 16 gigabytes of RAM memory, a one terabyte hard drive, and connect to two external wide-screen monitors (makes it easier for the “large print” edition).

Most of the time, it works. But for those times when computers don’t work for me, I write a blog about my love/hate relationship with technology.

They tell you to keep your computer, your phone, and your multitude of devices updated, especially all your “apps.” I don’t know about you, but when I set my system(s) to update automatically, they do, and usually something breaks.

<sigh> I guess I’ll have to call tech support <sigh>

I’m guessing there’s an Internet meme out there somewhere.

Until we meet again,
Andy

Answers

1. Mark Twain.
2. Anonymous Internet meme.
3. In the Year 2525 (1969), Zager & Evans; written by Richard Lee Evans.

Andy Adkins is a US Navy veteran (’73-77) and the author of several books, including You Can’t Get Much Closer Than This-Combat with the 80th “Blue Ridge” Division in World War II Europe, published by Casemate Publishers (2005) and selected as the Book of the Month for the Military Book Club. His newest novel, NEVER FORGET, is the story of A Vietnam Veteran’s Journey for Redemption & Forgiveness; NEVER FORGET is offered as a FREE (PDF, eBook format) download. Adkins also writes a weekly blog, “A Veteran’s Journey.”