Trivia Questions (Answers @ end)
- Who said, “Never forget the sense of loss; but never surrender to it.”?
- In what TV show (and who said it) did we hear, “Look at it from every angle, over & over again. Then, put it in a box and move on.”?
- Match the following song titles with the artists:
| a. “In Dreams” | Patsy Cline |
| b. “Dream On” | Hall & Oates |
| c. “A Head Full of Dreams” | Roy Orbison |
| d. “You Make My Dreams Come True” | Coldplay |
| e. “Sweet Dreams” | Aerosmith |
Blog #138 – Sleep Problems
“Tom, do you ever dream about sex?” Michelle asked.
Michelle had helped Tom better understand PTSD and how to anticipate and overcome the ongoing episodes. He now counted her as one of his few friends. His father’s dementia had brought them together. They had bonded because of their mutual friends, family, and similar Vietnam War experiences.
Tom was not alone—not anymore.
She had suggested the next time he had a nightmare, to not only journal the nightmare but also to “rewrite” the ending in his own words on his terms. Doing so might help rewire his brain and thought process. “When you have that nightmare again, force your thoughts to finish the dream the way you want—your ending.”
That was an interesting conversation they’d had a few weeks earlier.
“Tom, do you ever dream about sex?” Michelle asked, seemingly out of the blue.
He cautiously answered, “Yes,” as he perked up, not knowing what she was really asking.
“Do you wake up in the middle of that dream, only wanting to close your eyes and… ‘finish’ the dream… your way?”
Was she was flirting with him or just being professional and trying to help?
“Yes,” this time with a little less caution.
“So, you can rewrite the ending of that dream… about sex… in your mind… half asleep. Am I correct?”
“Yes.”
That last statement hit Tom like a hammer—he realized Michelle’s simplistic analogy. She just handed him a key to help “manage” his nightmares.
“It may not work all the time, but it’s a proven technique that works not only for combat veterans but also others who may experience PTSD.”
He had done that a few times as she’d suggested and found that it helped. “It’s not an exact science, but it’s worth a try.”
The above text is an excerpt from my novel, NEVER FORGET.
Characters: Tom Reilly, Army Vietnam War veteran; Michelle Myers, psychologist at the retirement community where Tom’s father, Ed Reilly, resides. She is divorced from a Vietnam Veteran and her father, like Tom’s, had also fought in World War II. This conversation is fictional, as are the characters and their names. But from what several readers have told me, powerful and helpful.
“I can fall asleep okay, but I wake up in the middle of the night… at least once. And when I do, it takes me forever to fall back asleep; that is, if I can.”
Is this you? It certainly describes my sleep patterns disturbances over the years.
Like many military veterans and first responders, I’ve had my share of troubled sleep. Sometimes I knew why (conflicts or anxieties about work, family, or money)… other times, I didn’t have a clue. I know I’m not the only one.
For NEVER FORGET, I researched many issues us veterans experience, including PTSD (or “shell-shock” as it was known in World War II; “soldier’s heart” in WWI), dementia, and Alzheimer’s—just a few of the storylines. During this research & writing process, I learned new things about myself as well as several new techniques I’d used over the years.
Like anything else in this journey called life, sometimes these tools work, sometimes they don’t.
Westpac ’75—Hawaii Sun (Physical)
There was that time in the Navy when USS Kitty Hawk (CV-63) stopped for a few days in Hawaii. It was during Westpac ’75 on the way to our overseas deployment. Since I was from Florida, the beach was my second home. So, without delay, I headed to Waikiki to get a few rays. I rented a surfboard, asked a young lady to teach me to surf (that line usually worked for a drink or two), and with her help, I learned to surf.
Photo credit: Andy Adkins
(Click to enlarge)
Unfortunately, this was in May, the sun was high and hot… blistering hot, so to speak. A few days later on the way to the Philippines, my back began to first itch, then peel… literally in sheets. Talk about not being able to get comfortable and sleep in my rack. Even though I’d grown up in Florida and never used suntan lotion, this was the worst sunburn I’d ever experienced.
But one thing I learned during those few days. I learned to “breathe” my way through those “bouts” of uncomfortableness.
Focused breathing, inhale and slowly counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8, and then exhale while slowly counting backwards. Do that repeatedly.
Several of my Army & Marine veteran friends have mentioned that’s a similar approach they used to control their anxieties and heart rate, especially when on patrol or before a battle. It’s one of the tools I continue to use today.
Though, I’ll admit. I don’t venture out to the beach as often, nor do I stay in the sun as long. You know… retirement age.
Westpac ’75—The Helo “Event” (Mental)
There was that time in the Navy that I experienced—close up—the death of a shipmate. I’ve written about that in the past in a blog titled, “Gone in an Instant.” But being that close (blood and brains on my flight deck pants), loading his lifeless body onto a Stokes stretcher, and helping haul it down to sickbay… well, it’s one of those core memories that gets laser etched into your brain.
Yeah, something I’ll never forget.
I don’t have nightmares about that particular event—not anymore. But there were other events equally disturbing I experienced as a city firefighter. I’ll spare you the details—they’re mine to bear. I don’t know why they set in when they do, but as time passes, the dreams nightmares occur less often.
Life as a CIO
There were those times as a large law firm CIO (Chief Information Officer), when I had an important meeting the following day. I always tried to prepare beforehand and anticipate questions. Maybe it’s that I put too much time into the preparation… maybe it’s the fact that I didn’t like a particular attorney I had to meet with… could be any number of other things that caused that anxiety.
But I’d wake up in the middle of the night. After an hour or so of tossing and turning, I finally gave in and just got out of bed and did something to keep my mind busy. I’d read, I’d do a puzzle, but I learned not to watch TV. I just needed to do something to get my mind off whatever it was hanging onto.
I often called that the “muddy mind.” You know… your mind starts wandering or worrying about something… it jumps from one thing to another to another… “I can’t turn my brain off.”
Yeah, that one!
It Got Easier
Now that I’m retired, I don’t have that problem as much. I always said I loved my job(s), but I’d love them even more if I didn’t have to deal with people. Funny thing, isn’t it?
But at my age (68), even though I feel I’m in decent health & eat fairly well, most nights I still wake up somewhere between 0200 and 0300. Thankfully, I can usually fall back to sleep.
First of all, it took me almost 60 years to realize it’s normal to wake up a few times a night. From what I’ve read, most adults need between seven and eight hours of sleep to be fully rested and it’s normal to cycle out of sleep roughly every 90 minutes to two hours.
I kinda knew that, but reading it now makes more sense than studying about those old REM (Rapid Eye Movement) cycles we learned back in high school biology.
Here’s What Doesn’t Work for Me
Alcohol – Yes, I’m a former sailor—a Navy veteran—and I’ve certainly had my share of drinking. I can honestly say, though, that my drinking habits changed dramatically after I left the Navy, completed college with two degrees, got a job, had kids, and raised a family.
As I’ve gotten older (i.e., “seasoned”), I know for sure I drink less now than before.
Yeah… a sailor giving advice about drinking makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.
However, when I visit my doctor, one of the questions he asks is, “Do you have more than five (5) drinks a night?”
Seriously?
Well, at first, I thought, “Sweet! Now I know my upper limit, prescribed by my doctor. I like this guy!” I never rarely drink that much. But the next year at my checkup, I asked… “Does that mean it’s okay to have five drinks a night?” To which he replied, “No, that’s not what I said.” He further explained, “If you’d answered ‘yes,’ then we’d have a different conversation.”
He’s since changed the way he asks that particular question. Nonetheless, he did explain that alcohol was a stimulant and when you drink at night (like a nightcap), even though I can easily fall asleep, I usually wake up between two and three in the morning. And, as he also mentioned, too much alcohol could enhance your dreams… the wrong ones.
So… that answered that question.
Checking email and Facebook and news and… you name it. This should go without saying, but if you wake up with a lot of “crap” on your mind, checking email and Facebook won’t necessarily relieve you of those thoughts rumbling around in your head. Instead, it may make things worse by introducing more crap anxieties for you to worry about.
In fact—and, I just read this—light exposure in the middle of the night sends a “sunlight” signal to your biological clock, which is also highly sensitive in the middle of the night. And that light (actually, any light, including the bathroom light) has a potent effect if your eyes are already dark-adapted, like they are when you’re asleep.
Is that why the Navy uses red lights at night for all outside facing hatches?
In case you wanted to know—you know you do—there’s a hormone called “melatonin.” It’s got something to do with your timing of sleep. Technically speaking, it’s produced by the body to regulate when you get sleepy and when you wake up. You want to preserve the production of melatonin, which is something that responds to light in the middle of the night, causing your body to think it’s daylight and time to get up. Even if it’s zero-dark-thirty.
And, there are even foods that help with the melatonin, including eggs, fish, meat, milk, nuts, germinated legumes & seeds, and mushrooms.
You know, those foods that currently cost more than a Harvard Law degree.
Here’s What Works for Me
Find Your Happy Place – Years ago, when someone suggested I “find my happy place,” I tended to side with the “anywhere but here” crowd. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that the happy place is usually somewhere outside in nature where it’s quiet, or I’m with my family and friends.
In my early years, my family owned a lake house on Kingsley Lake, just outside of Starke, Florida. My grandfather built it in the 1930s and it was passed down. I can’t tell you how many happy summers I spent out there, learning to water ski, swimming and snorkeling in crystal clear water, and just being a kid. That’s one of my “happy places” I visit when I have trouble sleeping.
Photo credit: Andy Adkins
(Click to enlarge)
Not far from our house are several nature areas, Paynes Prairie and San Felasco are two such areas. Lots of trails to walk. I’m a bird fan and also an amateur nature photographer. Put those together with a quiet morning walk and voila, another “happy place.”
When I lie awake at night, I’ll often think through the drive to get there, parking the car, walking past the gate, and then down a particular trail or two. I’m usually asleep by the time I get to the first trail. It sounds so simple, but for me, it works.
Diet / Exercise – I know men (and women) who are heavier than me and don’t exercise one bit. The thing is, while IMO they may be out of shape, many of them don’t have any problems with sleep. I don’t know what it is, but whatever they’re doing for sleep, it’s working for them.
However, for me, I’m at that point where I can’t sit still for too long… well, except when I’m writing and the “muse” hits me. I may be at the keyboard for several hours.
But I still find ways to get out of the house. My wife and I attend Yoga twice a week. While my wife also does Zumba, I can’t; it’ll kick my ass. But Becky, no problem for her—three times a week. Instead, I ride my bike. Sometimes it’s a short 10-miler, other times, I’m at 25-30 miles. It’s one of those activities that my body feels it if I don’t Yoga or bike.
Besides, it helps me “work shit out,” so to speak. Whether I’m worried about my son or my daughter or other family, it helps just to have a little “Andy time.” I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Talking with a Friend or Loved One – We’ve all got friends, some closer than others. Sometimes, I find it easier to talk with another veteran about certain things than with my wife. She knows me in and out. But I also know (and understand) that when I launch into a “here’s what we used to do on the flight deck” story, she politely listens and periodically nods her head.
But there are also those things that only veterans can share.
Fortunately, I’ve never shot anyone (intentionally, anyway), nor have I been under an artillery barrage. I don’t know what that feels like—nor do I want to.
While Hollywood can sometimes glorify death, it’s not personal. And those are things you cannot forget and cannot drink away.
There are those times, however, when talking with another veteran, it may bring something to your conscious that had been buried or not fully understood. Until we bring unconscious material to the light, we can’t heal from the past.
Talking with another friend or veteran who’s literally “been there and done that…” well, needless to say, it helps get it out of your system, if for only a short while.
Journaling – I’m sure most everyone has heard of “journaling” before, or writing your thoughts down on paper or computer. I’m an author (or at least, attempting to be) and I journal write all the time. When I’m working on a book—as I am now—my mind drifts in and out of the characters, the plot, the twists, etc.
And when I’ve spent a good deal of time during the day either writing or outlining, just because I go to bed doesn’t mean my mind shuts down.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up at 2 or 2:30 a.m. with a new scene or dialogue in my mind. Then the tug-of-war begins:
“I’ll remember it in the morning.”
“No, you won’t. Get your ass out of bed and write it down.”
I can honestly tell you that those times when I don’t write it down, I beat myself up, trying to remember what a great scene that was. I can also tell you I have dozens of pages with handwritten notes, some more legible than others (I quickly learned to put my glasses on), with great ideas, usually written at zero-dark-thirty.
The mind doesn’t shut down just because I go to sleep.
One other thing about journaling… when you write something down, you “get it out of your head,” at least for the time being. And I can often “bend” the story. For a few events that have happened in the past that I’d rather forget, but find that I can’t, I’ve learned to rewrite the event with a better happier ending. Basically, it helps me avoid that “I’m afraid I’ll forget” anxiety.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or… a psycho. I’m just a normal guy, a United States Navy (’73-77) veteran and a former City of Gainesville (Florida) firefighter (’77-80). Like many veterans and first responders, sometimes events from the past resurface in the form of dreams. Sometimes they’re triggered by a particular sensation: a smell, a sound, a sight, even a song.
In the past, I’ve had problems with sleep. I don’t pretend to know the answers, just what works for me…
I don’t know if this blog post helps anyone who reads it. But I know it helps me just to write it… journal it… or whatever you want to call it. Now that I’ve got it down on paper, I can put it out of my mind.
Until we meet again,
Andy
Answers
- Anonymous.
- Bosch, Harry Bosch (Titus Welliver).
- “In Dreams” – Roy Orbison
“Dream On” – Aerosmith
“A Head Full of Dreams” – Coldplay
“You Make My Dreams Come True” – Hall & Oates
“Sweet Dreams” – Patsy Cline
Previous blogs mentioned in this post: