As a petty officer in the United States Navy, one of the less than glamorous duties was to stand watch at the After brow when the ship was docked at port. That is, unless you had the dog watch: 0000 to 0400 (that’s 12:00 a.m. ‘til 4:00 a.m. for you civilians). Things could sometimes get interesting.
As you might guess, sailors have a reputation for drinking and most bars around the port closed at 0200. And… it may take a little time for an inebriated sailor to get from the bar back to the ship. A little longer if there was an all-night restaurant along the way. Even longer if the restaurant menu had pictures.
But, I digress…
About three o’clock early one morning while on watch, I spotted an obviously inebriated sailor walking up the After brow. He was swaying to and fro. As he got closer, I immediately recognized him as a friend of mine.
We had nicknamed him “J.J.” because when in port, he always seemed to have a bottle of Jack Daniels in one pocket and a bottle of Jim Beam in the other. This night was no exception.
Now, to point out the obvious, it is against Navy regulations to bring liquor on board and is “punishable” up to thirty days in the brig with nothing but bread and water.
Yes, I know the “new” Navy has done away with these regulations, but stay with me here.
J.J. was staggering up the After brow, grinning from ear to ear with a bottle in each pocket. When he got to the ship, I stopped him and started my standard Navy issue, “lifer lecture.”
“Now J.J. You know bringing liquor on board is against regulations. I’m supposed to report you and have you thrown into the brig. But you and I have been through a lot together on the flight deck. So this is what I’m going to do: I’m going to turn around and I want to hear two splashes.”
I was going to give J.J. a break. After all, he was my buddy and a fellow flight deck director.
I turned my back and after waiting a few seconds, I heard a gentle “kerploosh, kerploosh.”
I turned around planning to give J.J. another lecture about bringing liquor on board.
He was still there, swaying side to side, grinning ear to ear, and…
…completely barefoot.
J.J. had thrown his shoes overboard.
He did what I asked, so I decided that since no one else was around, I had to let him pass. I have to admit that was really funny.
True story, I sh*# you not!
From that episode, I’ve since learned: what you want to hear, what you think you hear, and what you actually hear are not necessarily the same.
You know the difference between a fairytale and a war story don’t you? Fairytale starts ,Once upon a time, a war story starts this ain’t no bullsh.. either. 😄 Have a great weekend.
Thanks, John. Hope you guys have a great weekend, too.