A Veteran's Journey

Each military branch of the United States has its own cultures, language, and traditions. In the Navy, the Chief Petty Officer serves a dual role as both a technical expert and as a leader; emphasis being more on leadership. There is always a sense of humor that comes from this culture. For the Navy, I find the more ingenious humor typically involves a CPO.

Enjoy this Navy Friday Funny!

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Apologies to George Carlin…

Life is so unfair… I mean, after all the BS you go through in a tough life, it ends in… death.

I want to live my next life backwards, starting with…

My death – let’s get that out of the way first. When I die, don’t bury me, heavens no. Put me on Cat #3 and launch my sorry ass off the carrier flight deck. I want to find out if Davy Jones really does have a locker.

Then, working backwards, I’m in a Veteran Nursing Home, initially too old to wander down to the Goat Locker, but every day, I’m getting younger and can pass all the older codgers on my way to…

I’ve been kicked out of the Veteran’s Home because I’m too healthy and while I think I’m in retirement and collecting my pension, life is too fast, going backward. I’m in San Diego, high atop Point Loma, overlooking the Coronado Bay Bridge and watching as my carriers come and go… like clockwork.

Then, I’m watching my retirement, but instead of thanking me for all my solid, mostly sober, years in the United States Navy, I’m being promoted to E-9, Master Chief Petty Officer… again.

But, I’m back in the Navy, my first day as a CPO. My arms still hurt from the other CPOs punching my new, soon-to-be-bent, CPO anchor in my arm.

But wait, I’m a… WHAT… a Second Class Petty Officer, an ABH2. WTF? How did I get to be such a low-life? Oh wait… I’m living my life backwards. This isn’t so bad, I’m on my third Westpac. Yahoo, PI… here I come!

Holy crap, I’m back in high school. A socially, inept, smart-as-a-whip nerd. The girls crawl all over the guy next to me without batting an eye. But hey, high school is where I learn to drink beer under Friday Night Lights. This isn’t so bad and maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow up to be an Airdale… a Master Chief Airdale.

Wait. I’m back in elementary school and chasing girls all over the playground. I’m really fast, too, but they’re faster so I never catch any of them.

Then, I’m a baby…

Then, I’m suspended, floating peacefully in a spa-like condition, central heating, room service on-tap and then…

I finish my life backwards with an… orgasm.

Andy Adkins is a US Navy veteran (’73-77) and the author of several books. His newest novel, NEVER FORGET, is the story of A Vietnam Veteran’s Journey for Redemption & Forgiveness. NEVER FORGET is FREE (eBook, PDF) for all veterans. Download your FREE copy HERE.